Why I keep going…

Someone just asked me how do I keep going and keep being strong with everything that has been going on the past twoish years? They said they wouldn’t be able to do it and they would have given up a long long time ago. They told me I was brave and strong and an amazing person.

I told them no I’m not. I’m not amazing or strong or brave. I’m terrified, depressed and weak but I have to keep going. I have to keep going for my daughter. She is why I started back on medication even though I have to go through tons of different kinds before I can find the right one. She is why I said screw trying to get disability even though I need it and just decided to go get a full-time job, regardless of my mental health. She is why I’m willing to drive a car with bad brakes to a job an hour away.. She is why I’m doing this; because of my daughter. My Twiggy is why I have to put on a brave face. I have to be pretend to be strong. I have to pretend that I am amazing because she is my world and I need my world back. If it wasn’t for her, I very well may have given up a long time ago. I know this probably sounds bad because you’re all probably thinking “Oh you have your partner, your stepson, and your friends…” but you know what? That’s how depression works, the things that should be able to keep you going aren’t always the things that keep you going… Sometimes it’s just one thing and my one thing right now is my Twiggy. Luna is my spiritual life support.

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Day 109: If you were a super hero, what kind of powers would you have?

I have a fursona who isn’t quite a superhero, but she does have powers. So I base my answer on that. I’d like to be a basic elemental but my best control is water and earth. I would like to teleport and be telepathic to both animals and people. Oh and also shapeshift. 🙂

Day 108: Is it easier to forgive or forget?

It is Not easy to Forgive or to Forget…

But when you forgive someone, you allow yourself to be the bigger person, to accept that we are not in control of the wrong doing that happens to us. That we are strong enough to help Ourselves when other people leave, that we will be there for others, always.

When you forget, you also forget the value that person added to your life and what you learned from them. We may eventually forgive that person but never let yourself forget the pain, the hurt, the suffering they put you through, and if they are really matter, they will stick around when you treat them like they treated you.

That’s why they say…. Forgive but don’t forget…

Day 106: Someone you judged by the first impression.

Haha, this makes me laugh. Lorrie is who I  definitely judged by very first impression. As some of you know, them and I were in an SGA meeting (they were treasurer and I was president of Fine Arts). They were ‘sharking’ the table because they were trying to quit smoking and ‘hadn’t had a cigarette in the 10 mins they had gotten out of class” and I seriously thought they were nuts. Like Seriously? Weirdo.

 

Guess I was wrong… or I just fell in love with the Weirdo. 🙂